Rachel, Roof, and Remorse.

The truth presented here is undeniable.

Thekynegro29's Blog

Lately, whenever I turn on the television I see her face,

Rachel-Dolezal-31

yes, her. Rachel “What race am I today” Dolezal. The woman claims she identified as black when she was five years old and colored her self portraits with the “brown crayon instead of the peach crayon.”However she quickly changed her mind and identified as white when she tried to sue the HBCU Howard University for discriminating against her because she was a white woman. The suit was dismissed and she was forced to pay the court costs for the school. Seems she is black when it will serve her financially , and white, when she needs the protection of white privilege… She may have a seat. I did not even want to dignify her by giving her any attention, however the time had come. Rachel apparently has done a LOT of good work with the NAACP for…

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New Song

I was too weak by Kenneth Maese

I’m sorry that I let you down

I’m sorry that I didn’t think

I’m never sure how I really sound

I’m not sure if I’m broke or it’s just a kink

in my soul

in my mind

in my heart

in my life………

I was too weak

to know how to stand on my own

I was too weak

to take control of my own life

I let it beat me down

The choices that I made

were all I knew

though I tried to understand

I was too weak

Now life has begun to pass me by

I think of where I’ve been

all those years that have slipped away

bridges burned no return

it started when I lost my innocence

my world, my life, my choice

all alone in the dark of the night

I try to cry though no tears form

an empty echo within my barren chest

I have a beautiful family

my children run to me happily

they cry daddy as they leap into my arms

the love of my life is standing near

just when I can’t be any happier

I wake to find I’m all alone

it’s just a dream

it’s just a dream

it’s just a dream

I never want to wake from

yes or no water and fire servent rainbow city M577 hs bass wnt 004 GreatHealer.lg grandmahelen001 defeated

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The Walk

Through my life the steps that I’ve taken
on freshly cut grass so gentle and fragrant
soft, green blades pushing up against my feet
between my toes, reaching up to tickle my ankles
I stop and wonder, pausing to take in the moment
I delight in the newness as the silkiness touches
for a moment and then it’s gone.

My feet have also walked upon shattered glass
and rocks jaded and sharp scattered
by both chance and enemies of my heart
my first journey across this wasteland
dropped me to my knees
caused my heart to stumble
fear became an ever present companion

Closed up in myself withdrawn and afraid
I will not hurt, I will not be hurt
I will travel on the indifferent sands
of complacency numbly taking each step
unaware, not hearing, not seeing
no soft green grass, nor shattered glass
just endless will draining sand.

I’ve lived much longer than I thought I would
I done things and said things that cause regret
in my bed alone at night, I speak with God
He alone can hold me so I no longer shake
His words are comfort, He forgives me again
His love is never withheld, it is why I go on
to walk on the grass, the glass, the sand.

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Stumped

So…..wow……….I could have sworn I had done at least one or two posts this year for this blog page. I have another blog page that I know I have posted on this year.  When I came to do this post however I noticed that no, my last post was December of last year.

Weird.

Maybe not though. I sometimes think I’ve done things that apparently I have not.  You would think this would distress me but at this point it doesn’t. Huh.

OK, let me bring you up to speed on where I am right now.  

Today is my first day feeling almost one hundred percent after having a bad stomach virus for the last four to five days.  

It was not good. Enough said.

So I get up this morning and do my laundry, get some coffee which means a small cup of black JPUSA coffee (don’t ask, if you have never lived here you won’t get it) and then a regular cup of Linda’s chocolate coffee (extra chocolate *per Linda).  ‘Scuse me while I go pee. Yes, I know you didn’t need to know that but it’s my blog ding dang doogity doo. Great, now my bladder hurts from typing all that instead of goi

OK, I’m back.

Where was I…..oh, yes…..(ha, I blanked out again.) I then came to my room and played some bass along to YouTube videos of Kansas (Carry On My Wayward Son) Zeppelin (Ten Years Gone), and someone else but I don’t recall right now.  Then after chatting with my roomie for awhile I went to Don Hills CD release party. Which I am currently listening to and totally into. The album is his band Millipede and the title is “A Mist and a Vapor”. Heh. It actually just ended as I was typing that. 
Wait, no…it’s still playing. Sweet.

Funny. My writing style is not something I would exactly imagine myself having with all the “sweets” and what have you.  I don’t know why but I would prefer my writing style to be more…um….geez……intellectual? Which is highly ironic since I had to just spell check intellectual. At any rate I have always imagined myself a more romantic type author.  Maybe of the C.S Lewis influence (apologies to those who just spit coffee/water/soda/liquor all over their monitor) and have come up only as a second rate S.E. Hinton. Sigh. So be it.

I’m actually just pretty happy that I’m doing it at all.  Oh, and I’d like to mention that I have just noticed for the first time today that I see people have been viewing my blogs.  I had actually been under the impression that no one ever read my stuff.  I was basing that on the lack of comments which is sparse at best.

Sometimes there are no words for what you read though. Seems to be the general reaction to my thoughts whether spoken or written. Hahahahahaha. I actually right now find that to be very amusing. Oh, in case you haven’t guessed I’m riding a caffeine high right now as during Dons CD release party I had a large latte at Everybody’s Coffee which I didn’t even finish. 

Whew.

I called my mom but go her answering machine, called my dad and spoke to Dodie, called my sister my no answer and no answering machine.  I think I’ll try my mom again after I end this. Which I should do right now.

BTW when I was sick I was feeling a low to no connection with God but when I awoke this morning, I felt just covered in His love and presence. It was truly wonderful. 

That’s it for now.  Leave a comment if you want.

No pressure of course.

I will try to be back more often to actually blog and not just think about blogging or rather think that I actually did blog and didn’t.

Bye…..for now.

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Winter Snow

Winter Snow.

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Winter Snow

Winter Snow

Winter Snow.

Small and quiet they glide
some big some small
they fall
side by side
they ride
the wind from the East
Swirling and dancing
a breathtaking blanket is formed

Descending one by one
effortlessly, brazenly
wanton in their gentleness
years stretch on for most
for ice crystals though
a season is all that is allotted.
Beauty for some
misery for others

Created all by God’s loving hand.

“Praise the Lord, O Jerusalem! Praise your God, O Zion!… He gives snow like wool; He scatters the frost like ashes. He casts forth His ice as fragments, Who can stand before His cold? He sends forth His word and melts them He causes His wind to blow and the waters to flow.” ~Psalm 147:12-18

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December 31st, 2013

It is December 31st, 2013. Last day for the year 2013.


Freshly showered and planning on heading down to the New Years Eve party in the garden room at Jesus People USA.  


I called my mom and we had a good talk, called my dad and had a good talk with his answering machine, called my sister and since the phone just rang and rang I eventually just hung up.  Her and Gary must be out somewhere. 


I should review the 2013, after all isn’t that what your supposed to do? Oh, I am also at this moment listening to Aracely Bock on iTunes.  I have only bought two of her songs off her new album “Say Your Name” and “Here I Am”.   Really loving them both.

 

So this past year has seen some  mostly uneventful times, some hectic times, some craziness, some heartbreaks, some break trough’s.  Pretty much your average life.   God has been molding me, cleansing me….actually I am all those things already I am in the process of accepting and knowing who I am in Yeshua. So hard when all my life I have been (now I’m listening to Brian S Reed – “More Love To Thee” )  hearing what a horrible person I am.


So I just had some flashbacks of exchanges between me and my dad and I started shoveling food in my face. I’m not hungry. Sigh. I still have such a very long way to go.


I’m still being rejected by people on a daily basis.  The thing is (The Calling – Wherever You Will God) most people don’t even know they are rejecting me.  Most people say I’m a like able guy that people think highly of and yet here I sit night after night all alone.  Once in a great while someone will ask me to do things, oh yeah…I know what your gonna say…I DO ask people to do things and sometimes it happens but most times I get some kind of lame excuse.


Living here at JPUSA has not changed this.  Same stuff I always have to deal with.  It’s for sure not all bad though. (FFH – Better Is One Day) I have had some amazing times, laughed until my stomach hurt, felt love like I’ve never felt before, met some wonderful people and so on. 


Next year should be pretty adventures as well.  Believe it or not but I really want to perfect a British accent. Hahahahahahaha I know…weird.  I am also going to continue to try and move to Israel.  That is my hearts desire. 


My complete and utter hearts desire is to seek the face of God with every fiber of my entire being. To live completely and utterly for God and God alone. 


I also need to get (Foreigner – Blue Monday, Blue Morning) a divorce from Paulina. She has not answered any of my emails for over two months.  I wonder what’s going on with her.  I wish she would just let me go.  She hates me so much…people say it gives her some kind of twisted pleasure to play with my head.  Like how a cat “plays” with a mouse before killing it. 


I should brush my teeth and go.  Hopefully I will do a much better job with this blog next year.


Happy New Year.


Yeshua is Lord!!!

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