One Day Soon

One Day Soon

One day soon evil will be gone forever. All that will be left will be those of us who chose to live our lives for God while on this present day earth so that we can live with Him in paradise forever. No more pain, no more heart ache, no more tears, no more loneliness, no more sorrow, no more death, no more hate, no more bitterness, no more sin, no more anger, no more……………no more.

I have hurt, I have been hurt, I have wounded, I have been wounded, I have caused people to cry, stumble, and feel rejected. I have been made to cry, stumble, and feel rejected.

If you are reading this and I have hurt you even in the slightest in any way.

I deeply apologize.

Please forgive me.

I forgive according to the will of Abba every single person who has hurt me, is hurting me and will hurt me.

It is only by the grace of Yeshua that this can happen.

Thank you Abba.
Thank you Yeshua.
Thank you Holy Spirit.

I love you and give you my life, soul and spirit completely and utterly.

In Yeshua’s name, amen.

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Blogging for fun and profit

OK so I should be here blogging all the little quirks and stuff that goes on in my life.  Instead I have an ulterior motive.

Dun Dun Duuuuun!



I know, right?


So, to all of my fans out there, I think I’m up to two of you…I think. Here is my latest process of intelligent thought patte….

Huh?  OH!  Sorry folks, we need to take a commercial break. We will be right back.

* Hello America! Christmas is right around the corner and your frazzled because you “I-have-no-idea-what-to-get-this-person” list is even longer than before this year.  Well, have I got the web site for YOU! Pull out your credit card and get ready to say bye-bye to those holiday blues.  Feast your eyes on these unique, and mind blowing gifts for everyone on your shopping list.  Talk about one stop shopping….and NO crazy shoppers or rude employees to deal with either! You asked for it….you got it!!! 


Tell them Kenneth sent ya! Now back to Ken’s blog.


Oh! Sorry folks but that’s all the time we have for today.  Stay tuned for my next blog coming…..only I know when.


See ya then!

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Tumblr Stuff Cause I’m Being Lazy

I always say I should blog more but then I get conflicted thoughts about how no one wants to read what I have to say but then I think is my blog for me or them? At any rate I found a couple of things on Tumblr I wanted to share.

Here they are:

“The beauty of Christ is His love for us is not dependent of our love for ourselves. He loves us whether we love ourselves or not. He loves us if the sun is up or the sun is set. He loves us when it rains and when it shines. He loves us whether we think He does or not.

How do I know this? Because He created a world that denied Him, but He still loved us and instead of destroying us (Because that would be the case if He didn’t.) He came down, lived with us, laughed with us, cried with us and ultimately died for us.

Christ’s love for us is within His very DNA; No matter what you think, Christ loves you, even if you don’t feel Him. He will always love you.


“I’m in love with you. Yeah, it’s that bad. You’re so beautiful to me. Shut up, let me tell you, let me. Every time I look at your face, or even remember it, it wrecks me. And the way you are with me, and you’re just fun and you harass me and you make fun of me and you’re real. I don’t have enough time in any day, to think about you enough. I feel like I’m gonna live a thousand years cause that’s how long it’s gonna take me to have one thought about you, which is that I’m crazy about you. I don’t wanna be with anybody else. I don’t. I really don’t. I don’t think about women anymore. I think about you. I had a dream the other night that you and I were on a train. We were on this train and you were holding my hand. That’s the whole dream, you were holding my hand and I felt you holding my hand. I woke up and I couldn’t believe it wasn’t real. I’m sick in love with you. It’s like a condition, it’s like polio. I feel like I’m gonna die if i can’t be with you and I can’t be with you, so I’m gonna die and I don’t care cause I was brought into existence to know you, and that’s enough. The idea that you would want me back? It’s like, greedy.”

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Blogging in my sleep

Blogging in my sleep

So here it is on a Sunday morning about 2AM. I should be in bed but I am sleepily protesting having to be in bed by 9pm Mon thru Fri. Heh.

I am yawning and what not but that’s OK.

In the past I have posted blogs and entries and such while I was tired like this and while it may not amuse anyone else at the very least I was amused later as I re-read my writing. Whew that was one very long run on sentence.

What to talk about………hmmmmm…….There is always Micah Miller. He’s a pretty cool dude. Good friend and makes me laugh constantly. There is David T a new friend who I had a great talk with the night before last. He is one of the most beautifully spirit sensitive guys I have had the pleasure to meet. There is also Carrianne who is funny, awesome and very honestly direct in all her conversation. I really like her. My roommate and fellow kitchen worker is also very awesome and though we sometimes get on each others nerves I can’t imagine working or living with anyone else right now. I had to leave him nameless though as he doesn’t like his name “out there”. Don’t blame him though.

The past couple of days have been pretty cool although I did NOT run this past week. Today I bought a pair of running shoes so I am now pretty stoked about running on Tuesday. Break them in and all of that. I need to buy a pair of black running shorts from Unique on Monday as all prices are half off so a pair of shorts that would be four bucks will only be two! Yippee!

I’m not sure how far I will try to run but my running days are Tue, Wed, Thur, and Sat. So I may run 5 miles, 4 miles, 5 miles, 10 miles (or 12….wow, I MUST be tired).

I should go lie down in bed, have a nice talk with God, then sleep in His loving arms….I really love doing that.

I should also call my dad soon. Talked with my mom today and she sent me some b-day money early so I could have a great weekend and then will send me more on my actual b-day (this month on the 19th) so I can have a great weekend then as well. Awesome! My mommy loves me!

This should about wrap up my mostly asleep blog for now so I can hit the sack as they like to say and not I do not know who they are but I do know that they talk a lot. Heh.

Because it is so late and I am really super tired I am going to include a random picture with my blog today! Lucky you the reader…..hahahahahahahahaha…who am I kidding? Nobody reads my blog!

Well…just in case….here is the random picture.

Well that’s nice.

Me and a large chicken burrito….which means the burrito has chicken meat in it…not that the burrito is afraid of something….although it could be afraid of me….after all I’m all checking it out, licking my chops and stuff….I would be afraid or “chicken” too! So in conclusion it is a chicken burrito in every sense of the word…..s……. yeah…we’ll go with that.

So now I am really off to bed….hmmmmmm….tired….off…….should I go there?


Lucky you…..again.

Nighty night!

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My first and last Cornerston Festival

So for what it’s worth, here is my only memory for last years Cornerstone Festival 2012.

My first and last Cornerstone Festival.

Since I had never been to a CF I had no preconceived ideas on what to expect. Me and other first timers (all of us on the home crew back at JPUSA) arrived at the train station and picked up by Timothy Kleinert and then taken to the festival.

As we rode around Tim pointed out the different places we would be working (I worked the night shift in the coffee house in the main tent) and where we would sleep. I can remember thinking that this place was HUGE. So many tents with food and laughter and worship and biblical teachings/preachings and tears. Volleyball, people joy riding golf carts, music everywhere all kinds of music!

My days were filled with endless wandering around and people watching (lots of wonderful and interesting characters at CF’s), eating delicious food, refreshing my spirit in the prayer tent and the all day bible teachings, dancing with joy while bands such as Glenn Kaiser, Ami Alison Moss, SkotandRachel Shaw, Soil and Sun, Laruen Mann, Aracely Bock, The Crossing, and many other shared their gifts with us.

Did I mention that I worked the coffee house? Which meant I got to enjoy and soak in all that wonderful music at night while preparing endless amounts of Tai coffees, mochas, lattes, mint teas (lots of coffee for me too lol).

I made some wonderful new friends at the festival and have even more amazing conversations and sharings with brothers and sisters of like faith.

After the festival was done, I stayed behind to help clean and sort through the aftermath as people slowly and mostly with regret packed and returned home with only memories of their last every CF.

It was truly bitter sweet as I tried to etch many details into my mind as I could. Finally the last day of clean up was there and after a meal of homemade ribs cooked by Andrea Spicer, of which ribs I still dream about till this day, a few of us got into Glenn’s van and we slowly made our way back home.

Thank you for my one and only memory Cornerstone Festival, it is one that I will always cherish and hold close in my heart

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Time to Vent

First of all I want to say that I know it can be pretty agravating when people who blog or post status updates on social media sights are always complaining about one thing or another.  I get it.  I really don’t like reading what people’s latest gripes are either.  

On the other hand not everything is always sunshine and roses, even when your a Christian or sometimes especially when your a Christian.

So today is going to be a “vent” day for me because I am sad and tired and lonely.

I have a hard time making and keeping friends and as my ex once pointed out I have a bad habit of shutting people out of my life if I even THINK they are going to hurt me.  It also does not help that I don’t have any family I can really, truly count on or know that they truly love me.  The only way I can put this in prospective is to try and figure this out as I write.

I will go down the list of family and give what I feel and to the best of my knowledge what is going on.  Here goes.

Dad – I don’t remember anything but a couple of instances now and then from when I was a child (granted this could be just my really bad memory though).  We had a strained relationship for all my childhood, teen years and….well pretty much my whole life.  He loves me because he feels he has to as I am his oldest son.  When my life is on track then I am ok in his eyes and he is happy with a phone call once every six months or so as long as they are short.  When I mess up in life though I am a “worthless person, who will never amount to anything and will never change.” On his list of priorities I am low, under Dodie, Christen, Kamryn, God, Alyssa, Sara, Derek, Evan, Melissa, Gary, (maybe I am here…somewhere)

Mom – Don’t remember to much as but just like dad could be due to bad memory.  She loves me no matter what but loves me when I am meeting her standards of acceptable behavior (this blog would not fall under that catagory).  Unlike my dad she has been there for me when I really need her and she has been a source of love and strength in my life.  We have had many ugly, ugly fights and just a couple of months ago I made a promise to God to never be ugly in word or deed to my mom again.  She really does not understand how bad it hurts me when I give her things because I want to bless her and she either gives them away or returns them to me without caring. On her list of priorities I am pretty high like as in Melissa, me, sisters (my aunts), brothers (my uncles), grandkids.

Melissa – She loves me because I am her brother and we have been through a lot together.  She never understood how much it hurt to give her Christmas presents and never get one from her just to watch her open many, many presents from her husband, kids, parents, me, ect.  She has her family, I have no one.  On her list of priorities I fall pretty low as well.  I think it’s kids, husband, job, sports, parents, cousins (such as Avedona), me…..

Donnie – We get along ok for being I was a horrible step-brother.

Jonathan – He can’t stand me but wont tell me why.

Christen – She loves me cause I am her half brother, otherwise has nothing to do with me for the most part.

So I have four siblings which means I have three nieces and one nephew (one more nephew to arrive in September)  two nieces and the one nephew are from Melissa and the other niece with a nephew on the way is from Christen.  Donnie doesn’t want kids and Jonathan is gay.  I have never been asked to stand up at any of the weddings or be part of the celebration other than an invitation that the neighbor would get.  Christen had all her siblings but me in her wedding.  Having three nieces and two nephews you would think I would be asked to be a Godparent at least once but I have not been asked.

As of this date, I have one friend Micah who really is a good friend.  Other than that I don’t have any friends who keep in touch with me.

So I don’t have any friends really and no family who really want anything to do with me.

I have God though. If it were not for God I would have killed myself a very long time ago.  I know I tried four different times in my life times and obviously was not successful.

Well, that’s enough whining for now, sorry to have taken up your time with the pouting and self-pity.

Next blog with be more up beat I promise.

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Bad times are STILL better with God than without

I think about this blog every once in a while and how I thought I would be in a cool coffee house with some good coffee or tea just blogging my little heart out every day.  Well as you can see my blogs are pretty rare and I usually blog from the living room down the hall from where my room is.  Not very exciting I suppose heh.

So I should be downstairs making deviled eggs for the Benders going away party but since I have compulsive procristination syndrome or CPS as I just now made up…especially since I misspelled procrastination (<——-ha! got it right!) I am instead blogging.

Today was the CCO (Cornerstone Community Outreach)  Hunger Walk  2013, no it’s nothing like the Hunger Games.  We had a very good turnout with 80 people from JPUSA showing up and thrown in 40 more people from churches the CCO office and we did good for hungry people all over Chicago.  Praise God, to you goes all the glory Father God!!!

I guess I should go downstairs to make that food since I really want to go The Crossing concert tonight!  It’s always a good time at a Crossing concert! I may work the merch table for them as well.

This past week has been really bad but good for me as I have gone through some really hard struggles concerning my Christian walk.  I was in a pretty bad place.  God finally had to give me some peace just to pull me through it. While I am still seeking answers for the questions I have at least I am not in a dark fog of despair anymore.

The hardest part is that it was pretty evident that I was not in a good place and after God brought me out of it, one of the brothers a couple of days later affirmed the other brother who does breakfast and lunch cooking with me for “always being positive with a good spirit while working”.  That hurt as I try to always be walking in the joy of the Lord but at the same time I never want to be fake in my walk.  The couple of days I went through were some of the roughest I have ever been through but the peace that I have now is more than worth the pain.  I just wish people (including me) understood how words can and do hurt sometimes.

That’s it for now as I really am going to head down to cook those eggs.

Thanks for “listening” 🙂

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